Communicate Guys!

Wednesday Jul 23, 2014 - BY Stacey

Problem

You’ve heard it a million times: but being able to talk openly  to your partner is crucial if you want to have a successful relationship. If you can’t express your needs and desires with your spouse, then something is wrong.

The online story about a young man, who sent his wife a spreadsheet of all the times she rejected his sexual advances, has become extremely popular and has elicited reactions that are wide ranging. Most people agree (especially us females) that the husband acted in a very immature and passive aggressive manner.

Rather than discussing the matter, he childishly wrote down all the excuses his wife gave him for not wanting sex – and then sent it all to her via email as she was on her way to a business trip.

They’re both in their mid twenties and the fact that they are only having sex once every few weeks at their age is not a good sign. We know nothing about her side of the story – and her husband clearly hasn’t asked or doesn’t really want to know what’s going on with her – perhaps she’s having an affair, or is depressed and has a low sex drive. Whatever it is, the husband needs to TALK to her in a loving way – express his feelings of rejection and his need to feel close to her – and then she may open up to him (in more ways than one). But if he’s too scared to communicate with her, then he needs some help and this relationship and any future relationship of his will be doomed.

The wife also needs to open up to him rather than constantly turning him down. After all, he’s a young man with a sensitive ego and a guy can only take so much rejection. She must be willing to tell him why “she isn’t in the mood” in a loving and honest way, so that he can actually hear her and be understanding. She has needs, too. Many people writing in response to the article picked up on it being all about his sexual appetite and her state of mind and body seem irrelevant to him.

For all but the most evolved men and women, most people in their twenties are still figuring out who they are, want they want out of life, and don’t know how to communicate their needs in an intimate relationship. It takes time, practice, and the right chemistry of the couple involved.  Unless they both learn how to talk and stop acting out, I think we all see a divorce in the near future for this young couple.