Ryan Lochte is Fit for a One Night Stand
Friday Aug 3, 2012 - BY Stacey
Like many other red blooded Americans, I’ve been watching the Olympic Games all week long, not just to see athletes compete in their respective sports at the peak of their abilities, but to ogle their spandex-clad bodies, honed to perfection after years and years of training.
This week has featured the swimming competition where there’s no shortage of attractive men and women to root for (and stare at). Perhaps one of the most talked about athletes at these Games has been American swimming star, Ryan Lochte. Not only has he been talked because of his showdowns with Michael Phelps, but also because of his pretty boy looks and swagger. But ladies, be warned–this guy is not dateable.
First of all, even his mother knows that he’s only interested in one-night stands. She has said, “He goes out on one-night stands. He’s not able to give fully to a relationship because he’s always on the go.” I love how she makes it sound almost respectable, like “going out on dates.” I’ve never heard one-night stands described in this way, like something you plan rather than something that just happens. This shows his commitment level to not committing–he schedules these things ahead of time.
But seriously–whose parents actually know that one-stands are their MO? Isn’t this something you keep to yourself or just discuss among you friends?
Erin Gloria Ryan over at Jezebel goes into even greater and more hilarious detail about Lochte’s un-dateability and frattiness–from calling himself a “rockstar” to owning a custom-made grill to his “art,” to his catchphrase, “Jeah!”
That said, even if Lochte isn’t interested in a relationship and is fratty as all get out, guys like him are not without their uses. Even knowing what we know about him, many women will still want to sleep with him. And we can’t blame him. We’ve all been forewarned.
As Ryan herself notes in the comments section, “I would hit it like a Jeopardy buzzer. Over and over again. I’ll take Walk of Shame for 1,000, Alex.”
And as a friend who shall remain nameless likes to say, Ryan Lochte is that guy who you hate until he’s inside you. And also probably after.
But that’s not a tragedy. Sometimes a little bit of hate can do a girl a world of good.