Casual Fling or Soulmate?

Tuesday Aug 24, 2010 - BY Stacey

 

I think we’ve all witnessed or experienced an act of casual sex turning into something serious. It happens. It happened to me many years ago – a hot, presumably one night stand, on location with a co-star in a mini-series turned out to be the first real love of my life.

 

We rocked each others’ worlds and broke each others’ hearts. We were together for four years. People looking for romance and perhaps a long term relationship, can definitely meet that someone by just “hooking up,” and they can also meet that someone by dating–it all depends on the individual.

 

The problem with dating is that very often, people “say” they are looking for a serious relationship, and they really aren’t — they are either unaware and haven’t figured that out about themselves, or haven’t come forward and communicated that to the person they are dating (who thinks this person could be serious). And this is when feelings get hurt and people become resentful. A lot of precious time is wasted.

 

The lesson here is to:

 

1. Know yourself: Be honest with yourself about your wants and needs. Don’t pretend you want something you’re not ready for, or think you should have it because everyone else does.

 

2. Communicate those wants and needs with the person you’re dating and demand the same of them. You may not wind up together, but you may become good friends as a result of your candor and compassion.

 

The unspoken agreement between people who are either hooking up or friends with benefits is that it is just for fun. Sometimes, these “casual” encounters can surprise you -and when you aren’t looking for it, you just may find the love of your life.

 

Everyone finds their soul mate in different ways. That’s what makes those stories about” how we met” so interesting and entertaining (I have a good one about how I met my husband, but I’ll save it for another time). But you have to keep getting out there and take some emotional risks.

 

There is someone for everyone. Have faith. Be honest. Be safe, and have fun.

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