Learning From Divorce: How to Maintain a Healthy Marriage After a Failed One

Tuesday May 15, 2012 - BY Stacey

Don't let this happen to you. (Photo by Dr. John Bullas via CC)

Today over at the Huffington Post, I have an essay up about what I’ve learned from being a thrice married (twice divorced) woman. Conventional wisdom would perhaps posit that because I’ve divorced twice, I don’t know what it takes to succeed at marriage. Wrong! Over the years, I’ve become a conscious student of marriage and while I’m not All-Knowing on the topic, I do feel that through therapy, and trial and error (and did I mention therapy?), I’ve amassed a lot of easy to implement strategies I’ve used to make my third marriage last for fourteen years (and counting).


Here’s some tried and true tips to help your marriage go the distance:


Share your fantasies (both in bed and out): You should both be secure enough to be able to tell your partner everything — and that includes finding others attractive (you’re married, not dead, right?). It doesn’t mean you need to act out on it, but why not acknowledge the fact that your waitress/waiter is hot and sexy? Don’t think that if you look at — or even flirt with others — it is a slippery slope and will destroy your marriage. It won’t. It will probably spice things up for you.


Know when to put your spouse before the kids: Having children definitely stresses a marriage. It’s important to remember that your marriage happened before they did and will (hopefully) be around after they leave the nest. My husband and I have a “quarterly update,” which is a full night and day away from the kids, four times a year. (If you can’t afford a hotel, switch off with a good friend who also has kids.) I know it’s heresy to say in this era of entitled children, but the kids shouldn’t always come first


Want to read the rest of my tips for a successful marriage? Head over to HuffPo and read the rest of my post.

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