Having Children Causes Infidelity?!

Wednesday Sep 24, 2014 - BY Stacey

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Yes, sad but true, according to a recent poll – for 82% of those men who are cheating, they cited having children as the main reason they strayed.

So the “by product” of all that love and lust is exactly what causes the problems in a romantic relationship.

First of all, having a child together signifies REAL commitment. You can walk away from a marriage but you can’t walk away from being a parent quite so easily – and for many commitment–phobes – that baby is the final nail in the coffin of their freedom.

And let’s face it, when we women are tired and nursing, having sex is the last thing on our minds. Not to mention the fact that, physiologically, our bodies aren’t ready for sex for a bit of time due to all the hormonal changes. We also get our fill of intimacy and closeness from holding that beautiful baby many hours of the day, so who needs a man??

Upon my first post- natal visit to Dr. Sassoon, my OB/GYN, he sat me down and gave me “the new mommy talk”. He basically said that if my husband and I didn’t spend the money on a sitter and have an evening alone together at least once a week, we would be spending that money in divorce court. As a father of four children and having scores of patients, he knows all about how the husbands can be neglected in the process.

Once the children get older, there are new challenges to maintaining a love life with your spouse. Privacy for one. Finding time away from prying eyes can be very tricky and I’m sure every one of us has experienced our children accidentally walking in on a love making session. When the kids are teenagers, my husband and I have found it to be even more complicated. (We recommend having “lunch” at home together, if possible, on a school day.)

The financial responsibilities of being a parent can definitely be stressful and make some want to escape into the arms of another.

Then there’s the Madonna/Whore complex that some men have. They don’t wan to have sex with their wife once she becomes a mother. They save the fun stuff for their mistress. Pretty messed up, but it happens.

And so, herein lies the “work” that a successful marriage needs. You need to communicate your needs, wants, struggles, passions, fears with your partner.

You need to find time to connect sexually, whether you really want to or not. Sex begets sex.

For you men who have young children and are compromising your marriage by sleeping with others: get in therapy and figure out what is causing you to escape from your family. Try – really, really, really try to make it work – at least for the sake of the children. They deserve and need every advantage having an intact family gives them in life!

For all you women: if you’re not making love with him any more, chances are good that someone else may be…

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