Do You Need To Be Pretty To Date?

Friday Dec 21, 2012 - BY Stacey

Photo via CC

Does a person need to be pretty and attractive to date and find the right person or relationship?


This sounds like a rhetorical question. Of course you do, you’re probably thinking. And I agree-at least in part. Attractiveness, especially in the conventional sense, certainly helps get people to approach you for dates and romantic liaisons. As girls, we learn this young and we work hard to improve our appearances in the hope of making our lives better. (And studies have shown that “objectively” pretty people earn more money and are perceived as being more competent so there is certainly some truth to the assertion.)


But what about in matters of the heart? What role does it play in finding long-term happiness and commitment? Is it the be all and end all we thought it was when we were young?


Kate Fridkis, The Frisky‘s “relationship” columnist tackles this topic as a result of a question she received in an email from a reader, and her response is eloquent and full of the maturity that comes from having outgrown certain ideas about appearance.


I reasoned that being hotter was always better because it would give me more options…And when I thought that I looked significantly, depressingly less than fine, I was scared, because I felt as though I might miss out on something essential.


The letter writer clearly has the same concerns that the younger Fridkis had until she was able to change the way she thought about love and beauty:


Looking good is an important part of dating. But the critical part is looking good to a particular person who you would like to look good to. It’s taken me perhaps a surprisingly long amount of time to adjust to this idea.


In most things, having all possible options on the table is often best, but perhaps this is not the case when it comes to dating. While you don’t want to be too limited in your choices, do you really want to attract everyone? The point is to find the person you click with, not to try all the flavors on the menu of men (or women).


Furthermore, the author realized something we’ve all noticed–when judging couples and their appearances, no consisten rule seemed to apply. Yes, there are certainly the “hot meets hot” couples around. But just as often you see two people who you can’t plausibly put together (based on their appearances) and yet…they seem totally happy and into each other! This seems like it should be a violation of some rule of natural law yet so many examples of this abound that it seems that there are no laws. It’s all a mystery.


I know that’s hardly helpful for an advice columnist to write, but it should also be encouraging. Very few of us fit into the standard “beauty” mold and yet this fact shouldn’t stop anyone from finding love and fulfillment in this world.


So get out there–you’re just the right type of “pretty” for someone!



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