Dating Resolutions for the New Year
Tuesday Sep 18, 2012 - BY Stacey
Yesterday (and today, too) marked the start of the Jewish New Year or Rosh Hashanah. Though most of the world’s population doesn’t recognize this as a period of renewal, I’ll take any and all opportunities to reflect on the previous months. (Next chance–January 1st. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.)
Since this is a time of reflection, it is perhaps time to consider a few resolutions for change on the sex, dating, and relationship front. Here are a few examples culled from old posts and observations.
1. Give up on old flames. It’s tempting to look back to past relationships and wonder if perhaps you should give it a second shot with an ex. I think it’s natural to do this because looking forward entails a great amount of faith. You have to believe that you’ll meet someone new, someone better suited to you in the long run. And on some days and during long dry spells, it can be difficult to muster the belief that this will come to pass. That’s why we often find ourselves looking through our little black books–okay, cell phone directories since no one actually uses little black books anymore–and wondering if we dumped some guys or girls too soon.
Don’t do this. I know it can be difficult to keep looking forward because the future is uncertain, but looking back and wondering “What if?” will not change your present set of circumstances. Chances are the past relationship ended for a reason. You’ve got to move on.
2. Move on all fronts. I know I’ve written abou this before, but I can’t stress this enough: If you’re single and looking for love, don’t expect that just one thing will fix this situation. Put up an online profile (if you haven’t already). Go to bar alone and mingle. Talk to the attractive guy that frequents your local coffee shop. Take any and all opportunities to meet new people and expand your dating network. Even if the guy you approach at a bar doesn’t turn into a love connection, he might end up as a friend or a drinking buddy. And maybe he’ll know someone who is just right for you.
3. Relax. I know that there are a lot of tips out there under the guise of “advice” that do nothing more than make people anxious, such as, “Don’t text or call after a good date–you might seem desperate.” Here’s the thing–if the date went well and the guy or girl liked you, you’re not going to tank it with one text or call to say you enjoyed yourself. If all it takes is one innocent, well-intentioned message or text to derail things then I don’t think you were going to get a second date anyway. My belief–if he likes you then everything you do or say (within reason–don’t leave ten messages) will be perfectly fine; if he doesn’t like you the nothing you do or say will please him. It’s that simple.
So stop fighting your instincts so hard–if you enjoyed the date and want to thank him/her for a wonderful evening out, then go for it! And remember to relax a little. Dating is supposed to be fun.